this is what happens when you commit to the bit
AKA a productive week in the life of a PhD candidate
I have rediscovered something in myself about my raison d’etre, shall we say. Like I wrote about in the last dissertation diary, my goal was to do a bit of a hard reset: sleep better, write consistently, and make a watercolor painting.
Things went well!! It was a productive week, and I feel more connected to myself and my work and why I’m here in Paris. I’m realizing that I have a few months left here, and I am intent on letting go of the story that I don’t deserve to love my life here and to commit to creating fulfilling experiences for myself.
I thought I would memorialize my amazing week, as a time capsule, and as a reminder of what I’m capable of. It’s also a reminder of a big lesson:
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING WE CAN DO FOR OURSELVES IS DOING THE THING WE SAY WE’RE GOING TO DO.
monday
I usually prefer working at home in the mornings before venturing into the world in the afternoon for a change of scenery. But I had an itch to try something different, so woke up a little early to go to a library in the Vincennes. It took a little longer to get there than I would have liked, and when I arrived, I realized that it was literally the library on a high school campus. I should have known this based on the fact that “Ecole” was in the name, but also very few of the other libraries were open in the morning on Mondays, so we work with what we have.
I spent about 2 hours there. In that time, I finished a book, wrote 200 words on my conference paper, and made some tweaks to an application. I got some mediocre sushi for lunch (why were they serving a side of rice with sushi???) before heading back home to buy groceries and some plants for my balcony. And after repotting things and watering, then I sat down for my weekly co-working session with a friend. Tiring day, but fulfilling.
tuesday
Tuesday, I was out of bed by 7:30am. After a journaling session, the day began with marathon prep in the form of a 4 mile easy run, followed by 20mins bodyweight leg workout. Been dealing with a bit of runner’s knee, so as I enter the final weeks of training, I am modifying my training plan to reduce mileage slightly so I save my knees and give myself time in the day for better quality strength training. Not sure how people with regular 9-5s do this, I feel like I’m barely managing.
Once I was done with my “body chores,” I worked on the literature review section for my presentation. Conference paper lit reviews can be looser than lit reviews in written work because of the difference in format. For presentations, it’s generally better to use your 15-20mins to talk about your own insights/analysis rather than giving up air time to citing prior contributions. And also when you do recap other scholarship, you can be a little vaguer in how you bring them up and also introduce fewer voices. It’s easier for a listener-viewer to digest that way, and leads to a better q&a in my experience.
In any case, my brain was jelly after doing nearly 600 words, so I pivoted to tasks related to my work with the grad student union. Not to get into it, but we’re in the middle of negotiating for a new contract and it has been…difficult. I attended two committee meetings dedicated to strategizing around some of those challenges, and also did some asynchronous work afterwards.
wednesday
Out of bed by 7:30 again, and did a very speedy 5 mile run. I also submitted my application for a summer workshop in NY, and the edits I made fulfilled my 100 word daily writing goal. Post lunch, I finished the most recent season of Queer Eye while munching on a yogurt bowl topped with crumbled chocolate chip cookies and strawberries. Still thinking about it.
I have choir rehearsal on Wednesday nights, but this past week was Ash Wednesday, which meant we had an earlier call time than usual. Whenever I have ~2 hours until I have to be somewhere, I find it hard to focus because I’m worried about getting too deep into a task or not having enough time to get ready. And it’s silly because a) I’m always 5-10mins later than I intend, no matter what, and b) I am never actually in *that* much of a flow state that I can’t just leave a note for myself and come back later.
The compromise is that instead of doing big brain work before choir, I worked on my freelance editing project for my friend. It’s more tedious work, but good to have as a balance to the more intense creative and intellectual labor.
And after service, I grabbed a late night grignoter with some of my choir friends, which I don’t do very often mostly because I like an earlier bedtime. But the French onion soup and the company was worth it!
thursday
After a 4-mile easy run and 30mins at-home barre class, I did some life admin tasks including returning a package, ordering dress shoes for an upcoming wedding, and taking care of some union-related tasks. In the afternoon, I had reserved some documents at the natural history museum, and it was my first time going to the library there. (I’ve been the Jardin des Plantes several times, though.) It was nice to work in the quiet, airy library space with big tables. The documents were not that helpful, but it was fun to read through some of the petty disputes people were having about entrance fees to special exhibits at the Jardin. I also wrote 300 words of analysis of a piece of music for my conference paper, and put together some loose framing of the next sections.
Evening plans included making my second grocery run for the week and watching 2 episodes of White Lotus. God I love White Lotus.
friday
Fridays are hard days for me, especially for weeks like this where I’ve been waking up consistently early and putting in high-quality work sessions. Running so much has only heightened that end-of-week tiredness I think. So I usually end up putzing around in the morning, working on small brain tasks like leftover emails and cleaning my apartment. I also put together a summer department funding application to get it out of the way. Went to PT for an ongoing shoulder issue I’ve been having and took a cutie little walk around the neighborhood. I’m pretty sure I bought a couple more plants to round out my balcony squad, and then went to my last union committee meeting for the week.
weekend things
The big-ticket item was my 19-mile run on Saturday. It’s the farthest I have ever run, and it really felt like it. This run tired me out significantly more than my 18-mile run. It could be many reasons, but I think I didn’t eat enough on Friday, and the warmer weather and bright sun also had an impact especially on how often I needed to hydrate and take in fuel. Notes to self for my upcoming 20-mile run.
But even though I was wiped out, I rustled up energy to play DnD with my friends in the evening! I’m not good at it, but it’s fun to hang out without accidentally therapizing each other over the ongoing sagas of our lives, as many of my femme friendships have done (i love deep chats about feelings, ok?). For those interested, I am a bard-druid named Ferris Muirglen who has a huge crush on Felix Mendelssohn.
And the week capped off with a beautiful Sunday of singing our first Lententide service, popping into Sephora to pick up skincare (remind me to stop going to the Champs-Elysees location, it is always SO overwhelming), and getting some short sleeve dri-fit shirts from Nike.
I also do a virtual Pilates class on Sundays in the early evening. And on this particular day we had our last Inspired Collective session for the semester, during which time I did in fact make my watercolor for the week!!! My sister said it was my best one yet. :)
the farewell
Currently editing this post with the Justin Timberlake live concert on Netflix on the other side of the split screen. Got inspired after listening to an episode of Switched on Pop about Timbaland’s influence on pop music.
Not going to lie, I still sip on some JT Koolaid every couple months, and for me, 20/20 Experience has no skips. But post his arrest when the junior cop had no idea who he was, whenever I revisit his music, I have to suspend disbelief temporarily. The lyrics are bad but not self-consciously so, and his personality reminds me of too many of the attention-seeking boys I went to high school with. Not to mention the fact that his career exists exclusively because of Timbaland, and to a lesser extent Jay-Z and Pharrell Williams.
I made my first friend at a conference back in 2019 after a tipsy discussion about how this particular brand of white men who can dance (Timberlake, Bieber, etc) work with the right Black producers whose contributions then shape their entire careers. It’s a complicated issue about how an artist’s name is never just them the Person but a brand, a phenomenon, a company, an aesthetic. We as a society are *obviously* still working through those complexities, and it seems to be an issue that plagues musicians more than other creative industries. But I’m biased.
Anyway. Thanks so much for following along on this little weekly recap!! I’m into writing this format, and knowing that I wanted to write it also helped me show up for myself while making progress on my goals in small ways every day.
So make sure you’re subscribed to receive more updates like this, and you’re always welcome to upgrade or grab a coffee anytime you like!! It means a lot to have you hear in the weeds with me, and I’m especially grateful for all the new folks who have joined in on the fun recently. Stay muddy, friends! 💚🌿